Only In This 'Family'
by norielit
Summary: Swoop makes planet fall, bringing along a bit of a surprise. A surprise which Fig promptly sets about teaching. Disconnected Universe.
1. Chapter 1

I have a lot to say on this work of fanfiction. If you're really that interested in hearing about it, go to my livejournal (just click the 'homepage' link on my profile). The title is the same as the title of this fic (plus chapter number).

Edit: All hail Silvane, who corrected my horrible Spanish. Quite frankly, I despise Spanish and have refused to learn it, but that's no excuse for butchering it - I've too much respect for language to feel comfortable with that. So, thank you (again!) so very, very much.

Edit Two: Yeah... I'm gonna have to find a beta at this rate. Thank kirin-saga for this edit - It helps clear up the last scene, though nothing new happens.

Title: Only In This 'Family' (01/??)  
Characters: Perceptor, Swoop, Figueroa, Lennox  
Pairings: None in this part. Later: RatchetxWheeljackx(adult)Perceptor. Others might be mentioned, but not focused on.  
Summary: Swoop makes planet fall, bringing along a bit of a surprise. A surprise which Fig promptly sets about corrupting teaching.  
Author's Note: Ya know, I probably should have been working on my fic for the contest rather than this, but oh well... The 'family' referred to in the title are the Autobot's in general, just so ya know.  
Disclaimer: I don't own any of them - I just enjoy watching them squirm.

* * *

Swoop curled tightly around the tiny body pressed against him, shielding the sparkling from the worst effects of atmospheric entry. His brothers were far, far behind him, and though his navigational system was still working, the aerial fighter simply didn't have the energy – or concentration – needed to perform the complicated equations that went with aiming to land at, or near, a specific point on a planet. At this point, all he could do was aim in the general direction of the Autobot's – of Ratchet and Wheeljack, who would fix this, because they always knew how to fix these things – and hope he didn't miss by too large of a margin.

Well, at least he knew one thing for sure – he would at least land on the continent. Not in the ocean or anything.

* * *

"Hello?" Figueroa answered his phone sleepily, completely aware of the fact that it was much too early to be awake.

"Yo, Fig!"

"Lennox? Hey, what's up?"

"Ah, well… Actually, I kind of need a favor." His captain sounded… edgy. That wasn't good; the only times Lennox sounded edgy was when something bad was about to go down and all he could do was wait. And all Jorge could think was 'Why me?'

"Independientemente de que usted dice."

"Dude, I still don't speak Spanish."

"Yo sé."

"… Right. Moving on. You remember those giant robot things?"

"Not exactly somethin' you forget, man."

"Well, remember when you said that you had a feelin' it wasn't over yet? Well, it's still not."

"We have to fight _more_ of those things?"

"No! Not right now at least – maybe eventually, but not right now. But, see… Two of the Autobot's – the good guys, remember? – friend's signals were detected entering Earth's atmosphere – and they kinda landed in the swamps of Florida. And you're the closest person to them, so we were kind of hoping you'd… Go meet them?" The silence on the other end of the line was almost disbelieving in tone – if silence can have a tone, that is.

"…"

"Please?"

"………"

"Awww, come on, Fig! We can't have giant alien robot's roaming around Florida's swamps – what if they kill off an endangered species by accident? They could seriously injure the alligator population you know!" If the alligator jab didn't work out, then Lennox might actually have to give up on this.

"I hate you _so much _right now, you realize." Laughter.

"Yeah. I know. And thanks – from all of us."

* * *

It was dark and wet and they were in salt water – which was not good, because they sparkling simply didn't have the means to protect his delicate internals at this point, not even from salt, and the water wasn't good either, because that could rust and hurt the sparkling more. How did this happen? Running a scan, he realized, while he had landed on the continent he'd been aiming for, he was close to the ocean, on a 'peninsula'.

The sparkling was wailing, and he tries to move silently out of the – swamp? bog? – to dryer land. It doesn't really work, but then he hears a noise, forcing him to turn around and aim his gun into the pond he was standing beside. _Something_ slips from the bank to the water, and it worries him, because Swoop doesn't really know what the native organisms are capable of. There's nothing around him – well, there was water, and plants, and animals, and _more_ water (what could one planet need with so much of the stuff? He'd like to know – knew that Slag would find it interesting when he arrived as well – but didn't have anyone to ask the moment. It would have too wait.) Either way, none of it was anything he could use as a transform, so he begins shifting through the veritable _ocean_ of information the humans call the Internet. It quickly becomes clear that not even the jets of this world will work for him – which isn't unusual, since he has no wheels, and just what were their (his brother's and his creators, that is) thinking, building them without wheels?

Only then he spots something quite nice, and it's not _perfect_ but that's okay – it'll work for his needs, and there are other transforms of the same type available for his brothers. He wouldn't be able to replicate the creature completely, because the only information he could find on it was from its bones – odd, that – but it would work well enough. Yes, this 'Pteranodon' would work quite nicely for his purposes. With a few adjustments, of course.

* * *

Jorge 'Fig' Figueroa was seriously beginning to doubt his own mental state. Seriously – he'd just agreed to go wondering through dangerous swamps, at the most dangerous time of the day (technically, the night), to find two – undoubtedly dangerous – giant alien robots.

Yes, he was an adrenaline junkie. This was a fact he'd come to accept, since one didn't get as far in the military as he (or any of his squadron, for that matter) did without getting some kind of thrill from putting oneself into ridiculously life-endangering positions.

Still, this went a little far, even for him. If Lennox hadn't called so late – and the Spanish-speaker was certain that had been planned – he would have never agreed. But now he _had_ agreed, so he'd just have to stick it out. With a curse he rounded a remarkably large tree and stopped short. He blinked, turned around, walked _back _behind the tree, and tried reentering the clearing. It didn't work – not that he'd expected it too, he'd seen too many television shows where someone tried the exact same thing, and it never seemed to work for them, but he figured, what's the harm in trying. Before him sat what he _knew_ was a dinosaur. And, obviously, dinosaur's were extinct.

Fig stared for a few more moments before the trees shifted just right in the (admittedly, light) breeze and he caught the odd glinting of the – oh geez, what was this one called? It was the kind that flew… - thing's skin and realized that he'd just found one of his 'charges'.

"Ahh… Hi. You wouldn't happen to be 'Swoop', would you?" Lennox had told him the names – Swoop and Perceptor – and that he should try to contact Perceptor first, but the supposedly calmer Autobot wasn't anywhere that he could see, so he'd just have to talk to the one he _could_ see.

"How you human know me Swoop name?" That was… Odd. It (he?) seemed to have trouble speaking English (Yes! He wasn't the only one anymore!).

"Oh, ah… Optimus Prime sent me." An odd huff that rather made Figueroa think the fucking _dinosaur_ in front of him didn't particularly care. But Lennox had mentioned something about one of them not being on the greatest of terms with their leader (okay, actually, Will's exact words were "Apparently they have about as much respect for the big guys as we do.") and that he should bring up 'Ratchet' and 'Wheeljack' if things proved – and yes, he is quoting here – "difficult." Ratchet, he was fairly certain was the medic, but Wheeljack was one of the ones he hadn't actually met yet.

"I think Ratchet and Wheeljack had something to do with it as well, actually." That had certainly caught the robot's attention.

"Him Ratchet and him Wheeljack close? You human take me to see them?" The voice was demanding, almost threatening, actually.

"I'm kinda like your escort, yeah. But we need to find this other guy – Perceptor, is it? – before we can go."

Swoop watched him for a few moments before (without any warning, even) shifting to his natural mode and moving forward to show Fig what had previously been cupped in his hands. It was a small, sleeping transformer. "Him Perceptor here. We go now." And just like that, the robot stood up, clearly waiting for the human to lead the way.

Yeah, Fig was fairly certain he was out of his mind.


	2. Chapter 2

-poses- I've finally finished it! This chapter gave me hell. No, seriously - it didn't want to be written. Partial credit goes out to kirin-saga here - the conversation between Fig, Perceptor and Swoop is her's. It's extremely likely that there's other bits here that were inspired by her, but I can't really remember right now... Oh, and I managed to avoid spanish in this chapter! Well, sorta. There's one word, and I know I've got that right, so...

Chapter Three will introduce a whole slew of characters, and hopefully I'll be able to actually fit some stuff in that'll further the plot. -le gasp- Amazing, I know.

Title: Only In This 'Family' (02/??)  
Characters: Swoop, Perceptor, Figueroa, Lennox, Ratchet, Ironhide, mentioned Sarah Lennox and Annabelle Lennox  
Pairings: RatchetxWheeljackxPerceptor  
Summary: Swoop makes planet fall, bringing along a bit of a surprise. A surprise which Fig promptly sets about teaching. Sequel to 'On The Universal Pride Of Those Identified As Male'.  
Disclaimer: I don't own Transformers.

* * *

Ironhide was not really paying a huge amount of attention to his passengers – the humans had proven amazingly adept at entertaining themselves, leaving him free to ponder the current circumstances of life. Or, more accurately, rant at Ratchet over his internal comm. system. Because, really, why did _he_ have to be the one sent to pick up Swoop and Perceptor? Yes, he was closest. Yes, he was already heading towards the Ark, which had been stationed outside of Tranquility, in a military zone, of course, where civilians weren't allowed to go (even if that hadn't stopped some of the teenagers – that had been taken care of. Though Ironhide did wonder why their base was being referred to as the 'Local Area 51'.)

Okay, so it wasn't really that much trouble. Well, it wouldn't be once he'd convinced Swoop not to attack him – which wouldn't be much of a problem since Perceptor was there as well. Thank Primus for small mercies – he only had to deal with one of the three's creations, rather than all five. The least violent of them, as well – not that he wasn't willing to fight. It was just that Ratchet and Wheeljack were surprisingly unwilling to fix injuries caused by provoking their children.

Lennox's hand reached out to touch his wheel – a sign that he wanted to hold a conversation, as Ironhide had learned. With an annoyed rumble of his engine, he turned his attention to the human male.

"Yes?"

"You missed the turn-off to Fig's house."

"..." Normally he'd curse, but Sarah seemed quite intent on her child not learning any of those words ("I'll say whatever I want to, human." "Not if you don't want to be painted bright orange with purple puppies, you won't.")

* * *

It was one of those days. You know the kind – the days when anything and everything that can possibly go wrong, did. Yeah, _those_ days. Fig was having one. And he wasn't too happy about it. He'd taken to speaking only in Spanish – the child (at least, he was fairly certain it was a child…) had yet to learn English, so Fig was teaching him (did giant robot aliens have genders?) Spanish instead. That had proven a bit of a fiasco…

"_Can you say _Gracias?_" _

"_Grasse." _

"_No, _gracias_." _

"_What you doing with him Perceptor?" _

"_I'm teaching him a _civilized_ language." _

"…_English not civilized?"_

It had taken a call from Ratchet to convince Swoop that Figueroa was safe – that had been confusing.

"_Let me talk to Perceptor, please."_

"_Him Perceptor no able to come to phone right now. Leave message at beep. Beeeeeeep." _

Seriously, where did the dinosaur (okay, so he wasn't actually a dinosaur, but it was easier to think of him as one.) learn that? At least it was nearly over – Lennox was coming and soon this would all qualify as 'Not My Problem.' He hoped (of course, he also hoped he'd get a bonus for this, but he doubted that he would, so…)

* * *

Annabelle practically bounded out of the truck. Sometimes the child left Ironhide baffled – he'd thought only rabbits had the ability to run-hop. The girl was already knocking at the door by the time Will and Sarah had gotten far enough away for him to safely transform into his mech form.

Thankfully, they'd also gotten far enough away that they weren't in any danger when Swoop 'informed' him of the stupidity of transforming. Swoop, of course, did this in the form so common in his family – he came barreling from the sky, attacking Ironhide's head. What was it with Ratchet and his spawn being obsessed with attacking other 'Bots' heads, exactly? There was a sound of screaming – Sarah if he was correct, as well as wailing… Two completely different pitches of wailing, at that. What?

Despite having a cannon charging, ready to take aim, he found his sensors turning instead to focus on the source of crying. And nearly froze when he saw what seemed eerily like a sparkling Perceptor. What. The. Slag?

Swoop circled overhead, becoming more distressed with every second that the black mech stared at the scientist-turned-sparkling. With a screech, he dove again, as though to distract him.

"Fraggit, Swoop! Stop, it's just me!"

Despite the familiarity of the other's voice, Swoop found he couldn't quite place it with a name – someone he'd known back at the beginning of the war, then. "And who you?"

"Ironhide, ya stupid hawk!" Swoop tilted his head, considering another attack, just for the last comment. He remembered him Ironhide now, and him Ratchet had said that the other would be coming to take them to the Ark. Only him Perceptor was upset, and him Grimlock told Swoop to care for sparkling, so that took priority.

Hours later, Swoop was curled up in pteranodon mode, sitting inside Ironhide's truck bed, with the male Lennox, Perceptor and the human sparkling being shielded under his wing – which was raised up slightly to give room for the smaller beings to sit up under the tarp secured to Ironhide. Lennox wasn't happy about being back here, but there was no way he was going to leave Belle out here with two new-to-earth Autobots. Even if one was a child (sparkling, he corrected himself.) Ironhide, unsurprisingly, hadn't been too keen about letting her back there either, but apparently she had rapidly become attached to 'Pee-sip-toe'.

Ahh, the glory of a child's developing language skills.


	3. Chapter 3

Well, it's finally done - hey, it was only about... a week? Still, feels like a long time to me... Anyway, it is done! Coming next chapter: the rest of the Dinobots, a full story on what happened to Perceptor (maybe), Wheeljack's naturally explosive introduction, and Dr. Seuss.

Now, I got a few questions about what happened during the skipped over hours last chapter - that'll be part of an interlude, eventually, as well as a piece that's on my lj account but not yet on my fanfiction account. Anyway, here ya go - chapter three! (Oh, and I've definetly decided there aren't going to be more than six or seven of these, either. I haven't the stamina, and I refuse to go on to another project before this one's finished, so... Well, I need this one to be finished.)

Title: Only In The 'Family' (03/07)  
Series: 2007-Movieverse, Disconnected series.  
Characters: Perceptor, Ratchet, Sarah Lennox, mentioned Swoop, Ironhide, Wheeljack, Prowl, Jazz, Sam, Mikaela, Bumblebee, Figueroa  
Summary: Swoop makes planet fall, bringing along a bit of a surprise. A surprise which Fig promptly sets about teaching. Disconnected Universe.  
Disclaimer: I don't own these people. Somebody does, but I'm not somebody. I'm like Emily Dickenson - anybody who recognizes her name should know what I mean by that statement. If you don't recognize her name... go look it up. And her most famous works. Now.

* * *

Ratchet was not in a good mood. This was not an uncommon occurrence, by any means, as it didn't really take that much to put the medic in a bad mood. Injuring oneself was normally more than enough to set off his temper. However, this was not the case today. No, this was the fault of two people: Swoop and Ironhide. First Swoop had ignored his request to speak to Perceptor (slag it, this was one of his bondmates!), then Ironhide had ranted for _hours_ at him over nothing in particular. In the end, he'd redirected the call to Sideswipe – why not annoy two of his annoyances?

Ironhide had cut off the call shortly before arriving at the human soldier's house and had not bothered to reinitiate contact, only giving a short 'I've got 'em and am heading back to base.' Ratchet gritted his teeth and _glared_ in the direction of the approaching dust cloud that was undoubtedly the black Topkick. There was a tarp over his back – probably to hide Swoop (and why hadn't they given their creations fragging wheels, anyway?)

Ratchet stood, silent and stiff, arms crossed, gaze all-consuming. Like a statue guarding the entrance to some great palace, full of royalty. (He'd learned how to strike fear in people from afar from Sentinel Prime – that guy had been a genius at looking imposing, even more so that Optimus.)

* * *

Perceptor didn't remember much. He knew he'd been alive a long time, but he knew he wasn't very old. Only that didn't make sense, but the thought was forgotten long before there was any danger of his circuits shorting. But, really, he didn't remember much – he was just too young, the tiny laser that reduced his life to binary code on memory chips not yet capable of doing the sort of deep coding required for a long-term memory. Oh, it could handle it every once in a while, but that was rare, and he really didn't have the storage capacity for too many haunting memories yet. Nor were his processors completely capable of reverting the coding on his memory chips to full out memories.

But he did remember some things – more than most sparklings his age would. Because a lot of scary things had happened to him in his life, and the rush of energon that came with those moments jumpstarted the teensy laser in his memory core. So he remembered things, but most of the time he didn't want to.

Like… He remembered the one-eyed big mech who had been there when he'd first woken up. He remembered the reverberating roar of a huge mech (friendly, he thought, friendly) bursting into the base (or so the tiny databases whispered). He remembered the four others who had followed the first huge mech (all so big!), and one of them grabbing him. That was the one who had kept him, and ran – and he'd felt safe, which was good, even though he hadn't realized before that he had been not-safe. Only then there was _cold_ and radiation and a feeling of panic at the lack of gravity. The big one had curled around him, and they'd traveled for a long, long time (wasn't important, no memories of time, so much lost time…)

And then a new fear. Because suddenly they were getting faster, faster, faster, and he was getting hotter than he'd ever been, and suddenly, he missed the cold. He screamed, because he was burning, and the big one (Swoop, the other had told him – how many times? – don't know, not important, can't remember) was curling around him. Only then it was over, and they were wet (and he didn't like that feeling, because it made his joints icky.)

A blur, something about another (his size, the short term memory chips supply) and then Swoop and screaming and suddenly that rush of energon was back. And everything was recorded, but that could be gone over later, because it was over. There was talking (for soooo long! always slow, these people were…) He curls up inside the other (Swoop, swoop, swoop, he knows this) with the new one (Bell!) and her other. And he slept.

* * *

Initially, she had chatted with Figueroa as they rode towards Tranquility, but now that they had arrived (and Ratchet had given Swoop and Ironhide what-for for not giving him forewarning him about Perceptor's 'condition') she made her way to the med bay with worry. Because Sarah Lennox was a mother, and from what she had heard, the little red one was definitely a child – no surprise, she'd halfway guessed it considering his behavior (polite, but naïve. And quiet, shy.) A very sick child, most likely, and the over-powering mothering instinct had arisen quite fiercely.

Upon her arrival, the blond lady called out to the Autobot's medic-with-a-mother-bear-complex. Not that she had the right to make such a remark, considering her motivations.

"Yes, Sarah Lennox?"

"Just Sarah. I was wondering if I could offer you any help?"

"Is there a reason I might require your help?" His stiff tone made it quite clear that he was upset, though Sarah suspected his anger was directed at her.

"I'm not sure. I just couldn't help but overhear that ah – Perceptor, was it? – wasn't well… Oh, don't give me that look. My bones practically vibrate when you yell, I can't avoiding hearing these things." Miffed – a tone that only a true woman could pull off. Well, a woman and maybe Perceptor, when he was in his right mind. Oh, and Prowl, but he was currently in a femme's body, so he/she probably didn't count.

"Forgive me for snapping at you, Sarah. I'm simply… upset."

"Then talk to me, if nothing else. I'm a mother, I can solve anything." Not true, but hey – Belle believed it. The Autobot cocked his head, unsure, before heaving a sigh and settling into what she correctly identified as a lecturing posture.

"I'm sure that by this point, you are aware of the relationship between Prowl and Jazz? As well as between Wheeljack and I?" A nod. "Good, that makes things easier. You see, while Prowl and Jazz are in a monogamous relationship, Wheeljack and I are not. We actually have a third partner, as is the social norm for our race – tradition normally sets us in three's with relationships of any kind, while your history seems to acknowledge two's as the holding pattern." Here he paused and glanced at her, and she offered him another nod, though she was unsure whether she was saying that she followed him, or that he was correct when it came to human's view of what was 'appropriate'.

"Though I'm not sure if there is anything sexual about Samuel, Mikaela, and Bumblebee's relationship, it is a very good example of how things normally work with Cybertronians. Separate them and their individual ability to perform suffer – place them together and they build upon each other's talents. Obviously, this isn't true for all mechs – neither Jazz nor Prowl has ever felt any desire for a trine – but, fact is, most of us lean towards the stability of having two constant partners rather than just one."

The emergency vehicle glanced over at his audience once again, and though she seemed to understand everything he said, she seemed confused as to how it pertained to the current situation. With a tilt of his head to indicate the minature microscope, he stated softly, "Perceptor is the final member of our trine."

Sarah was silent for a long moment, before standing, telling Ratchet that she needed to go yell at Ironhide for not offering any sort of forewarning, and marched out of the med bay, looking to kick aft.


End file.
